Take Three..Action!

Car sickness. Driving. Texting. Wrecked. Lives. Destroyed. Families. Renewed. Love. Hurts. Scar. Burn. Twice. Born. Again. Forgiven. Exhausted. Love. Unfailing. One. Way. Wrong. Path. Forked. White paint. Run. Fast. Car. Pavement. Wound. Bleeds. Scar. Face. Smiles. Brighten. Lives. Change. Ways. Influence. Sparks. Fire. Spreads. Movement. Goodbye. You. Leave. Driving. Car sickness.

I can continue to sit here and wonder why these last 3 months have been as not fun as they've seemed aka hellish or I can accept it, praise the Lord and move on with life. I've come to realize that happiness, not joy, is an everyday fight and it's not something that just happens. When the only thing I've ever known to be truly stable begins to crash and burn, I have two choices...be upset or fight to be happy and make the most out of life. When it comes down to it, I've got no right to be unhappy. There is a stable roof over my head, clothes on my back, 5 cars available to drive, a fantastic school busting at the seams with God given talents, a community of people that I've grown intensely close with for the past 3 years, brothers who take care of me even when they don't have to, a dad who calls to check on me just because I'm his "shorty", a mom who has devoted lots of hours to help my brothers and me financially, grandparents who consistently check up on and care for me, literally the list could go on for days but the most important thing is grace and that should be enough. But when I feel like it's not and I want to bail or pout, I should remember...
"Your grace is sufficient for me
Your strength is made perfect
When I am weak
And all that I cling to
I lay at Your feet
Your grace is sufficient for me..."

burned

yesterday i got burned. my dad and i were fixing ski ropes that were frayed on the end so that my grandparents could actually use them to their full potential. we had to melt the end which involved fire of course. They caught fire and firey burning pieces began to fall which was a little alarming but not a big deal...until i went to throw something away and one of those firey burning piece fell onto my finger with a small sting. But the pain went away for a few hours until i got home and everything calmed down and was quiet and still. Then the pain kicked in a little bit, but only because i had to wash/scratch the ski rope material off and clean the burn out to avoid infection. The pain lasted through the night. And then today all that's left is a funny shaped mark that is a little sore but it will eventually heal completely and a scar is all that's left. But I've been thinking and in a way some of that experience applies to everyday life (parts of life). Let's break it down...yesterday I got burned by a person too. Haven't been legit hurt to the core in awhile but it happens and it was kinda like my burn. It only stung a little at first and then it got worse and worse. But then the washing out of it, the scrubbing out of all the dirt and grime- that could represent Jesus. You know, he comes in and wipes out all of this junk, hurt and grime pertaining to this burn clean. He's not just a band-aid. He's the medicine with the band-aid and then some. So then the wound starts to heal, but only if it's cleaned first which could involve forgiveness, restoration, boundaries or all sorts of things. The important thing is that it's healing though, that's huge! It's very painful but in the end, only a scar remains. And I guess the scar represents memories to remind us to not make the same mistake again like getting to close to falling firey things that burn. Both types of burns are painful and leave lasting damages which no one would opt to go through ever again.

Jesus, I know I need to say something. Amen

Scenes of you come rushing through; You are breaking me down, so break me into pieces that will grow in the ground. I know that I deserve to die for the murder in my heart, so be gentle with me Jesus...as you tear me apart. Please kill the liar; kill the thief in me. You know that I am tired of their cruelty. Breathe into my spirit. Breathe into my veins, until only love remains. You burn away the ropes that bind and hold me to the earth. The fire only leaves behind whatever is of worth. I begin to see reality for the first time in my life, I know that I’m a shadow, but I’m dancing in your light. Teach me to be humble. Call me from the grave. Show me how to walk with you upon the waves. Breathe into my spirit. Breathe into my veins, until only love remains...

abhorrence

Dear you,
       I'm disgusted...you are a monster. You think you're sneaky, you creep around trying to act as if you're not there but I know, I know you're there. I see little snippets of you every time words are spoken or acts are acted. I know you're present. You decieve and force the mind, tongue and body to do things that are out of the norm. You flare up like a putrid disease that goes away for a little bit but comes back with a biting stinging pain that is contagious and leads to so much pain and hurt that one can't help but scream and wrench in agony just dying to free oneself from your pain. You my sir, are a victimizer. You pick a victim and attack without thinking twice. You destroy the lives of so many by even the smallest things. The worst part of it all is that you make up these stories, you lie. You take something that could be so beautiful and pure and you maul it and twist it until it is so corrupt and misformed that you can't even see its original form. Relationships? Oh, you suck the life out of that too. With all the deceit, pain, lies and so much more how can it be normal? It just can't be my dear. One can spend the majority of their time striving to make it normal and healthy but once you enter the scene, you attack, you make one your victim, you attack, you decieve, you lie, you steal, you cheat, you cannot seem to make peace without first making war, you are a monster. I abhor you.
Morgan

a jacked up process

When I look around, I see so much hurt but more importantly I see faith that could move mountains, support like I've never seen before, and a community that knows how to tend to eachothers needs. And that should make everything better, right? Someone once said something along the lines of "Joy is an overall content in your heart even when your unhappy because you know of hope and what's to come." This whole situation is beyond jacked up and makes me want to scream and cry and hit things but all I can think is "Peace I give to you-My peace I leave with you. Not as the world gives do I give to you."