the inner ache is too much to bear

Here I am

One more day of not
Loving Him the way He asks
In fact my heart is singing praises to the things
that make me feel alright

So I’m sinking fast like a stone heart should
And on the way down
I’ve done what I could
To try and try to turn this stone to flesh

I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give.

So I beg for you to move
I beg for you to move
I beg for you to break through

So here I am
Got my deeds for the day
All my cute little words about
How I am saved
Am I saved?

Could I love you with my mouth like a church kid should
At the end of the day
My words get burned as wood
Oh, but I was good.

I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give.

These songs are noise
In your ears
A clanging drum
You want my love

So many unforgettable dates

Some things in life hurt...bad. And that hurt never seems to go fully away. There's the cliche phrase that "time heals everything" well that's a lie and I'm living proof. Time may help me learn to deal with things a little better but it will never completely heal my heart. That's God's job. But unfortunately I will still have those stupid scars to remind me of the wounds that were once there. At the same time those scars are important; they're what make up our story and God planned them that way. It's just crazy because these wounds and scars hurt so stinkin bad sometimes that I don't know what to do with them and nothing seems to make them better but I have to remember Romans 8:28 in those times. God heal my heart. Make it whole.