unfiltered real talk

This is getting to a point of ridiculousness. If you want to leave so bad, just leave. Stop playing games. Get off my diamond as well as everybody else's and just leave already. You either commit or you don't-this ain't something that you do halfway and it'll be just fine. For awhile I could play, but I'm done playing. I don't have the energy nor do I have the patience to do it anymore; for the first time in your life, I'm gonna need you to just stick to your guns. Your life doesn't just affect you; it affects everyone around you too! I'm not one to bail EVER but this is really hard for me and I don't know why.

Confused. Hurt. Selfish.

how great the father's love for you

Right now, I'm sitting in my dorm room and all I want to do is run and scream and hit things because my heart hurts so bad for you right now. What is going on with you? What happened to flip your switch...again? Why won't you talk it out with me? What turned you away? I mean it makes complete and total sense why you are the way you are but it ticks me off so much because I know it's not your fault. But at some point, you have to make the change. You have to wake up one day and decide that you're not going to live that way anymore. You're not going to punch people in the face; you're not going to cuss them out for no reason; you're going to stay in school. People have chosen to put their lives, jobs and families on the line for you; wake up and change your attitude at least. I want you to do well in life. I want you to succeed. But honestly, what I want doesn't matter. You have to want it. Right now, you don't and that sucks to suck. You're headed down a path that will only lead to jail at the least and death at the worst. It hurts so much to think that one day I might one day be visiting you in jail and attending your funeral and ugh now i'm crying. Why don't you see the potential that we all see in you? You are such a beautiful masterpiece made by the Father? He knit you together before your mama knew it. He knew you were gonna have to go through hell before you were 4. He knew you would get kicked out of so many schools before even high school. He knows you! I am less than a speck in comparison to how much He loves you and I wish you understood that...

Prayers

Prayer is always something I've been a huge believer and supporter of. It's beyond powerful and it literally changed my life overnight. But this week, just the power of prayer has been more evident than it ever has been in my life since the night Jesus changed me. It was like God not only heard my prayers but also responded. And I know the Bible tells us He does that but I rarely take note of the fact. I may not have gotten the exact response I wanted but it was so kool that He did,ya know?! That's just what I've been thinking this week. It's been crazy stressful but so fantastic; I can't even tell you.