abhorrence

Dear you,
       I'm disgusted...you are a monster. You think you're sneaky, you creep around trying to act as if you're not there but I know, I know you're there. I see little snippets of you every time words are spoken or acts are acted. I know you're present. You decieve and force the mind, tongue and body to do things that are out of the norm. You flare up like a putrid disease that goes away for a little bit but comes back with a biting stinging pain that is contagious and leads to so much pain and hurt that one can't help but scream and wrench in agony just dying to free oneself from your pain. You my sir, are a victimizer. You pick a victim and attack without thinking twice. You destroy the lives of so many by even the smallest things. The worst part of it all is that you make up these stories, you lie. You take something that could be so beautiful and pure and you maul it and twist it until it is so corrupt and misformed that you can't even see its original form. Relationships? Oh, you suck the life out of that too. With all the deceit, pain, lies and so much more how can it be normal? It just can't be my dear. One can spend the majority of their time striving to make it normal and healthy but once you enter the scene, you attack, you make one your victim, you attack, you decieve, you lie, you steal, you cheat, you cannot seem to make peace without first making war, you are a monster. I abhor you.
Morgan

a jacked up process

When I look around, I see so much hurt but more importantly I see faith that could move mountains, support like I've never seen before, and a community that knows how to tend to eachothers needs. And that should make everything better, right? Someone once said something along the lines of "Joy is an overall content in your heart even when your unhappy because you know of hope and what's to come." This whole situation is beyond jacked up and makes me want to scream and cry and hit things but all I can think is "Peace I give to you-My peace I leave with you. Not as the world gives do I give to you."

"Put your hands on your diaphragm. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, slowly. In and out. In and out. We're gonna start at your toes, tense the muscles...tense your whole body from head to toes, and release. Now picture a light, starting at your toes, coming up your shins, knees, thighs, through your stomach and up through your head. It's full of warmth. It relaxes you. Imagine yourself heavy, sinking into the floor, becoming one with the floor and now imagine yourself floating..." It wasn't until I fell asleep that I stopped thinking about it, the thought never left my mind. I had gone so long without ever thinking about it or anything and then look at me now, I can't stop thinking about it. There's something wrong with this picture. My theatre teacher spent 55 mins trying to get us to relax on the floor in a pitch black room and I wasn't able to shut my brain off even for a little while. It did get me out of my bad mood but it still didn't stop the thoughts. A friend mentioned last night that I'm nearly constantly stuck in a particular state and I had never thought about it until she said it, but it's so true. That's not where I want to be- a sitting duck covered in tar attached to a decaying log. Maybe I've yet to embrace salvation for what it truly is? Maybe I'm allowing guilt to be present? Maybe I need a nap.

memories

Hey God, let's talk about memories. Should we start with the good ones, the bad ones, the ones we forget, the ones we remember...good ones? Alright. Shoot. Yes, they should be the ones I remember and hold on to, but that doesn't seem to be the case most of the time. Sadly. I always forget the most incredible things unless it's something that is life-altering or something of the sort. Why is that? True. Ok ok, I know that it's always the good times that I have to remember when things are starting to go downhill ie Mission Waco, friday nights, or something that raises my spirits in a healthy way. Nope, I don't want to talk about the bad ones. Because they're bad and not fun. Caught. A lot of the time, I'll remember the bad memories, hold grudges, and throw a pity party, but why? Why do I refuse to let go of the stupid past? But what if I want to forget them as if they never happened? I know it's a part of me, a part of my story, and most importantly a part of Your plan, but none of that seems to make it better sometimes. No offense. No, that's scary. God, I've witnessed you do some pretty incredible things and I know you're capable of so much more than we can fathom but when it comes to my mind, I need you take control of that thing again. My mind has a mind of its own and it does not behave itself, especially when it dreams. I don't really know where I'm goin with all this Dad except that something's not right; you know what's up with all my memories, dreams, thoughts, etc. Do what you do best! Love you. Good night.

word association

heavy. heart. love. hurts. female. circumcision. pain. cutting. blood. drips. tears. bedtime. sleep. deprivation. Jesus. loves. friends. everywhere. hurt. scars. memories. bad. hometown. memories. good. friends. sick. ignorance. abuse. hurts. deep. cut. razor. blade. iron. sharpens. friends. love. deep. love. grace. shown. light. bright. face. angel. precious. adopt. desire. want. her. rebel. fight. lost. key. heart. stolen. innocence. prized. passion. kids. cute. boys. stupid. questions. spark. fire. burns. scar. heart. grows. tree. life. happens. things. inspire. love. heart. heavy.

silence

"Silence is the most powerful scream."

Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it heals, sometimes it says the things that we refuse to say. It's more powerful than we think. Silence is when God steps in and works His magic IF we let Him. I don't know but recently it's shown me more than I ever thought it would. There's something special about this whole silence thing. Hmmm...

she's now a teenager

I never thought that one person could have such an impact on my life and it's crazy to think that you're younger than me. You sit there and tell me about your life and then you turn the question on me and are legitimately interested in what's going on in my life. You're freakin 13 years old and you care for people more than anyone i know. You've been beaten, abused and neglected all your life and yet you still love like no one i've ever seen. But then there's the other side of you, the side that people are afraid of. In your own words "I checked out and next thing I know I was on top of her and hitting her." That side doesn't scare me; it takes me into another chapter of your life; it allows me to know you at your worst as well as your best. Why do most of us run when we get scared? We do it all the time. I was unsure about being with you tonight because I knew I would be bombarded with emotions that I would not be able to handle on my own but I would not have had it any other way. I cherish those moments we have together. They are truly precious. I cherish you and want nothing more than to love you as best I can.

RAWR! I'M A DINOSAUR!

could be so much worse

God moved mountains this week and it was incredible to witness the reactions of and impact it had on everyone! It's crazy to me how He can turn such poopy situations into beautiful reflections of who He is and what He can do. Things may not be how we pictured them, but they could be so much worse. God, thank you for what you've done thus far and I know there is more to come.

denial

I was walking down the hall on my way to class this afternoon and randomly it was just me in the hallway. As usual, I was thinking and my brain wouldn't chill out and what it was thinking about really disturbed me...i'm in denial about so many areas of my life. Livestrong helped me out with exactly what being in denial looks like:
* Being unwilling to face problems on either a conscious or subconscious level.
* Acting as if there are no problems to face.
* A defensive response; protection from pain, hurt or suffering.
*A mask to hide feelings or emotions behind.
* A way to avoid conflict, disagreements or disapproval from others.
* A way to avoid facing the negative consequences of reality.
* A way of retaining our sanity when experiencing unbearable pain.
* A way to repress the truth of our loss, a way to continue to function in "normally."
* A pattern of life for individuals who are compulsively driven to "look good."
* A way to avoid the risk of change as a result of problems or loss.
I almost broke down once I realized this because it's dumb. Why do I respond to things this way? Why can't I just let things be? Why does reality throw me off so bad? One example-For the first time in my life, I didn't rush to the bedside of a friend who's hurting and in pain and you know what, he's ok and God's got it covered without my help. He doesn't need me to do anything. But my reasons for not going are ridiculous and selfish, which is not ok. Romans 15:1-6:
"We who are strong must be considerate of those who are sensitive about things like this. We must not just please ourselves. We should help others do what is right and build them up in the Lord. For even Christ didn’t live to please himself. As the Scriptures say, “The insults of those who insult you, O God, have fallen on me.”Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us. And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God’s promises to be fulfilled. May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."

He's forgotten the refrain, JESUS SAVES!!!

complete and utter chaos

God, I don't really know what to say. Things are jacked up. I know you're name will be made famous through each of these situations but God this is scary. The only thing I can do is sing "God you are higher than any other." We need you to show up. You're the only way!

long overdue

this post has been festering in my brain for quite awhile now but i just haven't been able to bring myself to write it because i don't know what's going to come of it. But it's time to just get it out there, it's been up there way to long.

This was the first relationship I ever had, my first concept of love. A relationship before I was even born, but a relationship at that. It was so close and precious that one would think it was the best a person could have. I depended on her for nutrition, breath, life. I could not survive without her; she was keeping me alive. She brought me into this world. And thus, my life began. I don't remember much about the first 10 years of my life except lots of soccer, baseball and football games as well as hunting trips and vacations. When I was in 3rd grade, our lives changes drastically and traumatically. I remember her just trying and trying to make everything right and make everything ok for our family. My dad was traveling when all hell broke loose and she had to move all of us so suddenly. To this day, I don't know how she did it without my dad's help. One thing she did that I will never forget about that specific day was going back to the contaminated house and getting my blanky even though it was risky. She risked her life for my comfort that still comforts me to this day. The next 3 years are all a blur for me honestly. But then I distinctly remember her in 7th grade. Our relationship was good, she was my stronghold. She, my brothers and I had to hold strong together while my dad was gone but mostly just me and her because my brothers were gone alot. But then she started working, and I had never experienced her working outside of the house. She couldn't pick me up from school and I didn't see her until 7 or 8 at night. That was really hard on me because I wasn't used to that, but we got over it and life moved on. Our relationship went down from there, regretfully. And then that next summer was possibly the worst summer yet. I spent my entire summer in Fort Worth, which was fine. I got to go to camp and hang out with my grandparents, who are legit I might add. But then it happened, the day before I was supposed to leave for cheerleading camp with my squad, she told me we weren't going home. I didn't get to say goodbye to my friends, family or boyfriend at the time. I didn't talk to her for 3 days straight because I was so upset, but honestly there wasn't any better way to do it i guess. I don't really know. But once again, I felt like our relationship was wounded. She didn't work for the first 6 months we were here and I felt our relationship begin to grow back together as it was just me and her again, without my brothers and dad here most of the time. But then she decided she wanted to go back to work...again. I cried and begged her not to, over and over but she didn't understand. So, she started back to work and our relationship  went downhill...again. And I responded so negatively this time because I was older and able to, I guess. I got really really sick that year and she was forced to quit her job, regretfully. Many doctors appointments and a surgery followed and then freshman year came. It was fine. Our relationship was healing and we began to grow back together. That year she was involved in a huge car accident that completely messed her up. It was heart breaking to see her have to go through that, but it was kool because we got to go to physical therapy together and share that painful moment together, but we were still sharing a moment together. The next summer came and my life was changed for the better and it was incredible! She was excited for me but eventually the excitement dulled down, which I should have expected but who knew? Not I. Sophomore year she went back to work and at first I was ok with it because the hours were flexible and the doctor was helping her recover from the wreck. But the flexible hours soon transitioned into the kind of days where I never saw her and was being raised by my 17 year old brother. I became this bitter, angry hurt 14 year old because someone was taking her from me. It got so bad that I stopped eating and ending up losing over 20 pounds that year. She never noticed the effect all of this was having on me and it took a youth leader taking him and her to lunch and bawling to them about what was happening. Even then, she didn't understand and our relationship continued to decline and decay. I started embracing the facts of it. Junior year came and I took it as it was. I wasted it away and was bitter and angry towards her for so much. Eventually a dear friend of mine told me that I had to stop harvesting all this bitterness because it wasn't helping anything and so I stopped. I gave it up. Things have never been the same but I'm ok with that. I understand that sometimes relationships just don't work. Now, it's my senior year and where are we? I'm trying to apply for college and she's telling me who I need to be and what I need to change? Our relationship is not where I want it to be, but all I can do is try to love her through my actions and not take anything too personally. I love her because of who she is, not what she's done.

when i first saw it, it looked like the light but all i did was cry. I cried and cried until that one person held me and then i felt safe. Why did the "light" seem to make me cry? Eventually I got over that and went on in this "light" wondering what exactly it was. I learned how to get along in this place, how to get what I want, and ultimately how to survive. I had to fight for everything; for food, love, and life. It was a constant war. As i went along, this light seemed to look more and more like darkness. But it didn't make sense to me. It was my first glimpse of "light"? How could i be so wrong about it? What i thought was light was actually this horrid hurtful place. A place where people hurt innocent people without even thinking twice. A place where there's so much hate towards others that they can't help but take their own lives. A place where children are treated like dirt, something to be walked on, spit on, and never considered to have worth when in reality they have so much more worth than the people who take advantage of them. But then what about those people? Where do they belong? Heaven? Hell? A place of peace or a place of neverending agony? It's beyond my comprehension right now. What I once thought was going to be a sanctuary of happiness, is now an evil place full of pain and hurt. All I have to say now, is welcome to the world, life.

just part of life

it's crazy how things change so quickly and unexpectedly. one minute you can be just chillin drinkin starbucks at your sewing machine and then the next you can be in the emergency room not knowing what to think or do because there are so many people and machines and cords going in and out. it's just crazy to think about...how life can literally flash before your eyes in a second. we take life for granted so much and why? is it because we're selfish? is it because we're ignorant? is it because we blind? or is it because we just don't care? The excuses are endless but none of them make sense. None of them seem to make it better. Things change. It's just part of life i guess.

sometimes

i want to stop paddling, jump out of the boat, and swim away...but i can't. I try to swim, run, anything to get away...but i can't. Why damnit? Why? God, i'm tired of this childish play. I'm tired of this game. Can we play a different one now? I'm tired of making the same move over and over again, only to fall down the ladder and have to start all over again. All in all, i'm just tired...i'm worn out and exhausted and out of ideas. I need you to carry me through this because i've tried to run on my own, and i keep falling flat on my face...over and over again. Oh and it'd be nice to sleep every one in awhile and not just stare at the ceiling for hours upon hours. Mehneheh.

i don't know yet. was the pain worth it? were the emotions worth it? is it really going to help? do the words "trust me" and "it's not your fault" mean anything anymore? i just don't know. it's a scary feeling knowing that it's out. knowing that it's real. the nightmares were still there. is it going to help? was it the right decision? are these questions legit or from the devil? Hmmm...so many questions stinging my head like a bee on a finger at a snocone stand on a hot summer day!

irkin my last nerve

it never stops. it's constantly there and it just keeps going and going and going. it's that constant irritant that just irks my last nerve. i pray to God that it will just stop and go away forever but for some reason it won't. it seems like i've tried everything just to make it stop but it's only temporary. i should be ok with the fact that this is the way it is but i'm not. i'm angry and stressed, which just makes it worse. i'm confused and inadequate. i'm sad and happy at the same time. my emotions are all messed up. i've got to chill. jesus, chill me out. you seem to be the only method that lasts longer than a few hours. you are my satisfaction and praise you for that!

processing

here I am again and I don't know why. I just feel like I need to be writing, like I need to be saying something, like something needs to come out. But as usual, I don't know what it is...so what's the solution? Word association!!! Trust. Broken. Painful. Heart. Red. Love. Fail. Friendship. Church. Jesus. Cross. Death. Pain. Sacrifice. Everyday. Life. World. Evil. Screwed. satan. Angel. Heaven. God. Father. Daddy. Childhood. Fun. Play. Person. Rude. Hurtful. Heart. Broken. Trust. That's all I got for now. Jesus, I need you to calm me down.

even through the tears

Water you turned into wine, opened the eyes of the blind. There's no one like you...none like You! Into the darkness you shine, out of the ashes we rise. There's no one like you...none like You! Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other. Our God is Healer, awesome in power, our God! Our God! Into the darkness you shine, out of the ashes we rise. There's no one like you...none like You! Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other. Our God is Healer, awesome in power, our God! Our God! And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us! and if our God is with us, then what could stand against! And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us! And if our God is with us, then what could stand against! Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other. Our God is Healer, awesome in power, our God! Our God!

woah

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 
-1 Corinthians 1:9-11

What does this mean? Does it mean that there's no way for homosexuals to inherit the kingdom of God? I thought salvation was available to all? I thought every sin was equal and that God forgave sins. Are there unforgivable sins? I'm just so messed up, I don't know what to think right now. He needs to go to Heaven, I love him too much for him not to. God, work your magic, please!

it was a different feeling

"Another summer day has come and gone away in Paris and Rome but I wanna go home...Maybe surrounded by a million people I still feel all alone. I just wanna go home. Oh I miss you, you know. And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you. Each one a line or two- “I’m fine baby, how are you?” Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough. My words were cold and flat and you deserve more than that. Another aerorplane, another sunny place...I’m lucky I know, but I wanna go home. I’ve got to go home! Let me go home! I’m just too far from where you are. I wanna come home. And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life-it’s like I just stepped outside when everything was going right and I know just why you could not come along with me but this was not your dream but you always believe in me!" I miss home so much and mostly the people there. I felt real and normal there, for once. I felt like I belonged. It was my home.

just past the mark

i had just passed the 3-month mark. I had done so well. I had done so well. But what did I do? I screwed up...again. I chose to block things out and not deal with them the way I should. I made the choice and it's no one's fault but my own. I hurt so many people along the way and broke so many trust bonds. I can't believe it. I saw it before it happened but I couldn't stop it. I felt defeated before it had happened. I let satan win. I let him reign victorious. Damnit he screwed it all up. How could I let his happen again? How could I risk everything like that? I can't believe I went there. Here's where I am right now..."I can anticipate the response that is coming: "I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary. But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different."

bad timing

I knew it was coming but I didn't think it would be this soon and now it's happening and I don't know what to do. It's at the most inconvenient time and I can't handle this right now. God, you know what I need right now.

just one of those days

Here I am Lord and I'm drowning in your sea of forgetfulness. The chains of yesterday surround me. I yearn for peace and rest. I don't want to end up where you found me and it echoes in my mind...keeps me awake tonight. I know you've cast my sins as far as the east is from the west and I stand before you now as though I've never sinned, but today I feel like I'm just one mistake away...from you leaving me this way. Jesus can you show me just how far the east is from the west because I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again. In the arms of your mercy I find rest. I start the day the war begins endless reminding of my sin time and time again...Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in...I know you've washed me white: turned my darkness into light. I need your peace to get me through: to get me through this night. I can't live by what I feel but by the truth your word reveals I'm not holding on to you but you're holding on to me...you're holding on to me...from one scarred hand to the other.

good end to great times

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
-Romans 8:28

dreams

I dream so much. Both good and bad and all the time! Most of the time it gets in the way. It brings tears of both happiness and sadness. It brings back memories from the past whether it be a nightmare or a glorious time. It keeps me up all night sometimes. It eats at my insides and tears at my heart. It maximizes my potential and pushes my strength to the edge. It somehow forces me to want to be all that I can be. I dream.

repetition

Everytime God's trying to teach me something big or get my attention about something, it always comes in repetition. Does that make sense? Like when I was struggling finding peace. John 14:27 literally came up in every sermon for like 3 weeks and then came up at random other times. Repetition. And when I was struggling to open up to people, if a dear friend from Colorado loving on me wasn't enough, He decided that our Sunday morning AND wednesday night studies would be based off community and such! Repetition. And then this...3 months ago a dear friend of mine told me how bad she was once hurt by someone and it broke my heart. I witnessed her struggle through that and in the end forgive the guy who in my life, I've still yet to forgive. Now, just this week, another dear friend of mine went through the same thing but on a much more intense and hurtful level to the point where she is now heavily medicated because of it. I'm now witnessing her struggle through this. And I wish that I could just tell her what to do and that would make it all better, but it doesn't work that way! Just now, i've come to the realization of just how deep this pain goes. It hurts. It scares. It scars. It ruins. But JESUS SAVES! That's all that comes to mind when i have terrible nightmares about it or when it seems to cross my mind every single day. JESUS SAVES!

it happens

3 hours. Just sitting there on your bed while you talked about happiness and feeling connected to yourself and such.
"It was so perfect Morgan. It was different this time. I felt so connected with myself, like it felt real."

"Are you gonna keep doing it on a regular basis?"

"Eh I don't know. I know I shouldn't but I like it. No, I'm not going to. I hate this feeling of not knowing if I'm gonna get caught or not. But then again I really don't care anymore. I want to do what I want to do."

Ugh!!! Why? You went from constanly being baked to being completely clean for almost 2 years and now you've thrown it away and you don't even care...you looked so hollow...I waited until you fell asleep and then slowly left. I got in my car and drove. I just drove. For almost an hour crying and talking to Jesus and wondering if people hurt this bad when I made poor decisions. This shook me up real bad and finally at about 930, Jesus reminded me that He still forgive and loves me despite everything I've done and I should do the same. So as much as hurts me to see you this way, I forgive you and love you all the more!

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13
 
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. 1 John 1:9-10

an angry 4 year old

Our relationship started when you were just 4 years old and I was 9. The first time I met you, I knew we would be friends and I loved you like my sister. Same with your brother who was 6 at the time. In the short amount of time y'all had been alive, y'all had already experienced more in your life than any family should ever have to experience in their entire lives. Abuse. Drugs. Multiple "dads". Biological parents in jail. Total instability. You were angry, very angry. And why shouldn't you be? Having been so screwed over so early in life by those who were supposed to love you, dangit you should be angry. I don't blame you whatsoever. You didn't know any better. When I would babysit, everynight you would just cry and cry for your mom who was in jail at the time, but it didn't matter to you what she had done. You loved her despite and that was true love! And to this day, you still love your mom the same and I highly admire that about you. At the time, I was living in a different city so I was only able to spend time with you during the summers but I took advantage of that time when I could. Fast forward 4 years and I'm here in the same city, babysitting and hanging out with you and your brother on a regular basis. People and doctors stereotype you as a "problem" or "disturbed" child but you know what I see, a child who just needs someone to love her just as she is with no strings attached. I can do that! Jesus calls me to it! I took a summer job where I would get to hang with you everyday and I was given the opportunity to be your dgroup dealer. So now we're 12 and 17 and getting to grow in the Lord together! I love it! I've watched you grow up and you are absolutely beautiful inside and out. You put on this tough front as not to get hurt and it's expected, but I see past it. I know you and I love you for you and nothing else. Just found out this week that you're going to go live in a home for "disturbed" children. You are the youngest girl in your house and you will be going to a brand new school. I want to be selfish and not let you go but I know it's best for you because you will be out of your current situation and into a healthier environment. You will get a break for once in your life. A chance to start new. But I'm not going anywhere. I will be there when you need me. I will come visit you and bring you frozen yogurt. And we will talk together, laugh together, cry together and continue to be there for eachother. I love you and I'm not leaving you. The hardest part about this entire thing is the fact that I just can't have you right now. That I'm not old enough to adopt you. That I constantly feel held back while trying to love you. I want you! All these other people that could have loved you didn't, but I want you and I want to love you to the best of my ability just as Christ loved me. For some reason, I was born 17 years ago and I'm not supposed to have you yet, but I know that if it's the Lord's will it will happen someday. Everything happens for a reason and by His perfect timing. He loves you and so do I and one day we will all be joined together.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11