silence

"Silence is the most powerful scream."

Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it heals, sometimes it says the things that we refuse to say. It's more powerful than we think. Silence is when God steps in and works His magic IF we let Him. I don't know but recently it's shown me more than I ever thought it would. There's something special about this whole silence thing. Hmmm...

she's now a teenager

I never thought that one person could have such an impact on my life and it's crazy to think that you're younger than me. You sit there and tell me about your life and then you turn the question on me and are legitimately interested in what's going on in my life. You're freakin 13 years old and you care for people more than anyone i know. You've been beaten, abused and neglected all your life and yet you still love like no one i've ever seen. But then there's the other side of you, the side that people are afraid of. In your own words "I checked out and next thing I know I was on top of her and hitting her." That side doesn't scare me; it takes me into another chapter of your life; it allows me to know you at your worst as well as your best. Why do most of us run when we get scared? We do it all the time. I was unsure about being with you tonight because I knew I would be bombarded with emotions that I would not be able to handle on my own but I would not have had it any other way. I cherish those moments we have together. They are truly precious. I cherish you and want nothing more than to love you as best I can.

RAWR! I'M A DINOSAUR!

could be so much worse

God moved mountains this week and it was incredible to witness the reactions of and impact it had on everyone! It's crazy to me how He can turn such poopy situations into beautiful reflections of who He is and what He can do. Things may not be how we pictured them, but they could be so much worse. God, thank you for what you've done thus far and I know there is more to come.

denial

I was walking down the hall on my way to class this afternoon and randomly it was just me in the hallway. As usual, I was thinking and my brain wouldn't chill out and what it was thinking about really disturbed me...i'm in denial about so many areas of my life. Livestrong helped me out with exactly what being in denial looks like:
* Being unwilling to face problems on either a conscious or subconscious level.
* Acting as if there are no problems to face.
* A defensive response; protection from pain, hurt or suffering.
*A mask to hide feelings or emotions behind.
* A way to avoid conflict, disagreements or disapproval from others.
* A way to avoid facing the negative consequences of reality.
* A way of retaining our sanity when experiencing unbearable pain.
* A way to repress the truth of our loss, a way to continue to function in "normally."
* A pattern of life for individuals who are compulsively driven to "look good."
* A way to avoid the risk of change as a result of problems or loss.
I almost broke down once I realized this because it's dumb. Why do I respond to things this way? Why can't I just let things be? Why does reality throw me off so bad? One example-For the first time in my life, I didn't rush to the bedside of a friend who's hurting and in pain and you know what, he's ok and God's got it covered without my help. He doesn't need me to do anything. But my reasons for not going are ridiculous and selfish, which is not ok. Romans 15:1-6:
"We who are strong must be considerate of those who are sensitive about things like this. We must not just please ourselves. We should help others do what is right and build them up in the Lord. For even Christ didn’t live to please himself. As the Scriptures say, “The insults of those who insult you, O God, have fallen on me.”Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us. And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God’s promises to be fulfilled. May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."

He's forgotten the refrain, JESUS SAVES!!!

complete and utter chaos

God, I don't really know what to say. Things are jacked up. I know you're name will be made famous through each of these situations but God this is scary. The only thing I can do is sing "God you are higher than any other." We need you to show up. You're the only way!