an angry 4 year old

Our relationship started when you were just 4 years old and I was 9. The first time I met you, I knew we would be friends and I loved you like my sister. Same with your brother who was 6 at the time. In the short amount of time y'all had been alive, y'all had already experienced more in your life than any family should ever have to experience in their entire lives. Abuse. Drugs. Multiple "dads". Biological parents in jail. Total instability. You were angry, very angry. And why shouldn't you be? Having been so screwed over so early in life by those who were supposed to love you, dangit you should be angry. I don't blame you whatsoever. You didn't know any better. When I would babysit, everynight you would just cry and cry for your mom who was in jail at the time, but it didn't matter to you what she had done. You loved her despite and that was true love! And to this day, you still love your mom the same and I highly admire that about you. At the time, I was living in a different city so I was only able to spend time with you during the summers but I took advantage of that time when I could. Fast forward 4 years and I'm here in the same city, babysitting and hanging out with you and your brother on a regular basis. People and doctors stereotype you as a "problem" or "disturbed" child but you know what I see, a child who just needs someone to love her just as she is with no strings attached. I can do that! Jesus calls me to it! I took a summer job where I would get to hang with you everyday and I was given the opportunity to be your dgroup dealer. So now we're 12 and 17 and getting to grow in the Lord together! I love it! I've watched you grow up and you are absolutely beautiful inside and out. You put on this tough front as not to get hurt and it's expected, but I see past it. I know you and I love you for you and nothing else. Just found out this week that you're going to go live in a home for "disturbed" children. You are the youngest girl in your house and you will be going to a brand new school. I want to be selfish and not let you go but I know it's best for you because you will be out of your current situation and into a healthier environment. You will get a break for once in your life. A chance to start new. But I'm not going anywhere. I will be there when you need me. I will come visit you and bring you frozen yogurt. And we will talk together, laugh together, cry together and continue to be there for eachother. I love you and I'm not leaving you. The hardest part about this entire thing is the fact that I just can't have you right now. That I'm not old enough to adopt you. That I constantly feel held back while trying to love you. I want you! All these other people that could have loved you didn't, but I want you and I want to love you to the best of my ability just as Christ loved me. For some reason, I was born 17 years ago and I'm not supposed to have you yet, but I know that if it's the Lord's will it will happen someday. Everything happens for a reason and by His perfect timing. He loves you and so do I and one day we will all be joined together.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11