weepy day

We sit and we wait, we wait for that phone call. This phone call will determine what happens over the next year and maybe the next 5 years. It's crazy to think that the judgement of one person will determine where she will end up, what she will do, and in her eyes "if she is worse than the others".

I know how I feel right now just waiting, but I can't imagine how she's feeling right now. I just want to hold her and tell her that it's gonna be ok. I feel like a creeper a lot of the time. I think about her, what she's doing and if she's safe. I looked over at her today and just thought "What if things were different? What if they truly loved her? Selfishly, what if she were mine?"

We talked for awhile today-about life, school, home and the mall haha that girl is in love with the mall. I cannot imagine being 13 and scared out of my mind, not having any legit sense of security. And I wonder, if no one had ever told me what was right and wrong, I wouldn't know either. NO ONE has ever told her how to act! What the heck?! You send this girl who's been abused and neglected into life without any guidance, what do you expect? We were sitting in big church today and tears swelled up in my eyes because I realized that I was turning 18 soon and gonna graduate eventually. My dream for the past 3 years or so was shattered. But then, I started thinking...I might leave for college. What will happen? I don't trust any human being with her well being. There has yet to be someone to treat her as she should be treated, as a beautiful precious gift from the Lord. I don't know, I'm all scatterbrained. I trust that God will take care of her, He has thus far but I don't want to leave her. That's not my style. I don't do that. Maybe there's hope for when I turn 21, or maybe the good Lord will send her a loving family that will take her and show her God's love like no one has before. God, You know what she needs and You've been with her through everything with her since the day she was born and thus far. I pray that you watch over Your precious daughter and show her that You're not going anywhere and You want her to do well. Give her a huge hug, Abba. She needs it! Love her so much and I trust You, Amen.