"For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. His heart is steady; he will not be afraid, until he looks in triumph on his adversaries." Psalms 112:6-8
There it is. Truth. So how do people think I'm living? How am I really living? I'm an unrighteous pansy to say the least. Even last night when sirens were going off all night, I lie awake,frozen by fear in my bed when I should've gone and gotten my parents. I'm terrified of driving but yet I won't let other people drive? I make sure to say "I love you" to those that I care about just in case something happens to them because I'm so scared that something will happen to them. I'm terrified of bad news. But it's weird because I try and do everything I can to avoid bad things happening (which never works by the way), and yet somehow it's all ok in the midst of the bad things. I'm able to trust the Lord then. But why not before? My heart is not steady. I am afraid.
Why am I such a scaredy cat nowadays? I used to be so tough. I used to have thick skin and would be the first one to confront the night. But now, I'm the first one asleep because I hate it and I don't go out much after dark. It seems like I'm afraid of everything now. What changed? And what's with all the change? I don't like change, AT ALL. I mean I know it's necessary and all but it's not always fun haha.
Now, how do I get to a point where I have a steady heart? I'm in multiple leadership positions and I have an unsteady heart; NOT OK! But, the Lord is in control and He will finish this part of me to completion. I know He will. That's one of His promises and I love that one! So do I just sit back and wait for Him to fix this? Surely not. There's got to be action steps that I can take towards being a righteous woman and having a steady heart.
Step One: Memorizing Psalms 111
Step Two: Talking with my accountability partner everyday
Step Three: Reminding myself of God's promise on sticky-notes :-)
Lord, you've got this one in the bag and I have nothing to worry about-
"I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty." Revelation 1:8
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